My First Kiss (?)…

Caution: Long Post

— Prologue —

I have been tagged with this very personal tag by Anjali. I have to describe my first kiss. Sounds very simple, isn’t it. It is not. She escaped by writing about a kiss she got from one Mr. Dog Jimmy Varghese, but has passed the tag to many others with sadistic glee. But Anju, be very careful, when I tag you, you will not be able to get off the hook so easily.

To make matters worse, she had warned all her friends and their friends in Cochin that I am desperately seeking for a person to kiss. So for the past few days, there has been a remarkable change in the attitude of women towards me. Earlier when I sat in the portico of my house in the morning, the younger girls going to school who used to greet me with a “Good morning uncle,” the slightly elderly girls going to college who used to smile and wave at me, and the young ladies going for work who used to smile at me have stopped all signs of friendship. Now they look the other way when they reach the gate of my house. If by accident, I am able to get someone’s attention, they will immediately start shaking their heads even before I can open my mouth to ask ‘Can I kiss you?” The grapevine is a very powerful and potent communication and disinformation tool.

— Part I —

After about a week of searching for a person to kiss without success, I thought of asking my four-year old niece. The conversation went like this:

Will you marry me?
Why you want to marry me?
I have told you many times not to answer a question with another question.
But it is the question of my life. [Gosh, these kids…]
Ooh… okay… I want to marry you because I want to kiss you…
Why do you want to kiss me? [Another question, but I let it pass…]
Because a chechi in Bangalore wants me to write about my first kiss.
But, you are not supposed to write about these things… [Woha!!! Wait till you start reading Mills & Boon books]
I won’t mention your name.
You have never kissed anyone in your life?
No [She gave me a look that said “What a loser!”]
Okay…But where you want to kiss me —on the mouth or on the cheeks? [Oh my God! Next she will be asking about the prenuptial agreement; life was a lot easier during my childhood!]
On the mouth; but if that is a problem, cheeks will do… [By that time I was so desperate that I was ready to settle for anything.]
But to kiss me on the cheeks, you don’t have to marry me… [Phew…Thank God for the small favors…]
Okay, come here so I can kiss you…
Now what?
You have thorns under your nose and on your face. It is very irritating. [@#$%!^%#^@@^&@]

— Part II—

All the hopes of writing about that kiss vanished into thin air and I was back to square one. Now the only option I had was to go a few years back and write about an incident that I thought I would ever share with anyone. But desperate times call for desperate measures!!!

During my first year of Engineering, I had a crush. She was in the Electronics branch. We had a few common friends. So we used to be in the same company when our friends met, usually in the canteen or in the tea shop near the college. She had a very beautiful face, kind eyes, and long black hair. She was not the most beautiful girl in our batch. There were many other gorgeous, glamorous, and stunning beauties. But she had two things that none of them had—grace and poise.

In our group, we were the two people who spoke the least. Even after two years of regular meetings, we never managed beyond a “Hi,” “How are you?” or “How was the exam?” and so on. Whenever our paths crossed, I would give an ‘I love you’ smile and she would return a ‘Hi’ smile. This exchange of smiles constituted more than 90% of our conversations during the first two years. It was one of my best kept secrets—till today 🙁

— Part III —

It was the Men’s hostel day (MH day) celebration and I was in my fifth semester. Now, I have to provide a little background information. During those days branches like Mechanical and Industrial Engineering did not have any female students. All the beautiful girls joined branches like Electrical, Civil, Electronics, Computer Science, and so on. During the MH day, while our batch mates from other branches invited their classmates from the Lady’s hostel (LH), we had to content with the company of our day-scholar friends and friends from Medical College. So while our friends who have female guests acted decent never touching alcoholic beverages, we used to drown our sorrows in the spirits from the distilleries and breweries of Vijay Mallya and when funds were running low in ‘kallu’ and arrack from the Toddy shop at Arshummood.

Since drinking was prohibited on the hostel ground where the function was conducted, we used to have the bar in one of our rooms. So everybody, except a few selfless souls who managed the bar, will drink to their full and will go and attend the function. At regular intervals, we will return to the barroom for a refill, so that alcohol content in the blood never fell below the comfortable level. So during that MH day, by around 9.30PM, while I was coming back to the hostel ground after refueling, I saw her standing under the pine tree about a few meters away from the ground. I was surprised to see her there. So I walked up to her and said:

Hi alex…
Why are you standing here?
There everybody is smoking and it is giving me a headache. So I just came here to get some fresh air… What are you doing here?
The same reason—I came out to get some fresh air. There everybody is drinking and smoking and it is stuffed and I have a splitting headache [I never knew I could lie so smoothly…]
You don’t smoke?
Err… No.
It is bad for the health and I hate the smell… [Nice answer buddy…]
Then, why you have a pack of 555 in your pocket. [My God, she had the eyes of an Owl…excellent night vision!!!]
I quit; these are for the guests… [You’re a genius mate…]
When did you quit? [This is becoming more like a murder investigation…]
Just now!!!
Ooh…. [Change the subject, you stupid moron…]
Come, let’s go for a walk, it will clear your head…Noo, no… what I meant is that it will relieve the headache… [Better watch out mate, you are not thinking straight…]
Okay. She offered me her hand. [Wow… a good start, no a great start…]
Here, let me hold your hand, so that I can steady you if you feel dizzy! [Nice one buddy…]
No alex, hold on to my hand, so that I can keep you from falling!!! [There goes the macho image :-(]

Thus, we walked hand-in-hand under the moon and stars for another 40 meters. Finally we reached the auditorium cum basketball court and sat down on the steps. It was a nice place—quite and cool with a gentle breeze and not another soul around—ideal for a romantic evening. Lady luck was still with me.

So, how is your headache?
Better, and yours?
Completely gone…
Alex, I always liked you, but never got the courage to tell you… [Whooooha….finally we are getting somewhere]
Me too, but never got an opportunity to tell you… By the way, ‘You can call me Al’ [Even with all the alcohol in the blood, my brain was still functioning like a supercomputer!!]
Paul Simon, isn’t it?
Yep [She knows the singer, most probably she will know the lyrics too…things are getting better by the minute… “If you’ll be my bodyguard, I can be your long lost pal, I can call you Betty, And Betty when you call me, You can call me Al”]
Hi Al…
Yes darling…
Come, sit closer… [I was more than happy to obey]

I put my arms around her. There was no objection from her. She snuggled closer. The only problem was that all the alcohol that I had consumed was slowly but steadily taking control of my mind and body. I started swaying as the alcohol took control of my balancing mechanism. I cursed myself for drinking too much. After a few minutes, I had to lean on her to sit straight.

Are you okay?
I’m fine, just a slight dizziness…
Lie down and put your head on my lap… [Again I was more than happy to comply]

It was nice lying there looking up into her eyes. On an impulse, I gently pulled her head down and kissed her. She didn’t struggle, but kissed me back…

What a wonderful experience!!! I felt like a shockwave passing through my body. It was the last thing that I remember. The excitement of the kiss was too much for my already intoxicated body. I passed out.

When I woke up next morning, I was lying on my bed in my room. How I ended up there I had no idea. Then my friend Regi came to my room and asked me if I remember anything. No, I lied. I didn’t want to compromise my secret love affair.

— Part IV —

Then Reji told me his version of the story. I am reproducing it “as is”, but a word of caution—he too was equally drunk as I was, if not more, so everything will be exaggerated and blown totally out of proportion. Keep this in mind when you read the following account:

Alex and I went for a refill at around 9.00PM. We went to the bar at B-bottom and had a few pegs. Suddenly Alex got up, lit a cigarette told me that he was going back and went out of the room. That was not his typical behavior. He usually waited for me to finish the drinks and we used to go back together. I went to the door and looked for him in the corridor. He was walking very unsteadily—in fact he bouncing from one wall to the other and the momentum was carrying him forward. I quickly finished the drink and followed him.

By the time I had reached the end of the corridor, he was out of the hostel and was walking toward the hostel ground in the front, where the function was held. I hurried to catch up with him. There was a sharp turn on the road. Suddenly he stopped. He threw his cigarette away and adjusted his hair. He seemed to have gained more control of his body than before. I thought he must have seen some professors or the principal. Then I quickly rejected the thought. No self respecting hostel inmate would throw away a 555 just because he saw a professor and that too when he was totally drunk. So this must be something else. I thought I would wait a few paces behind to see what he was up to.

He walked to a pine tree (surprisingly all the wobbling and staggering had disappeared). First I thought that he was going to pay his contribution to the SUAES (Society for Uric Acid Enrichment of the Soil) or the SMEESV (Society of Mineral and Enzyme Enrichment of Soil by Vomiting).

But he went nearer to the tree and started talking. I couldn’t hear anything. First, I thought there was somebody behind the tree. I slowly walked closer. There was noone else. He was mumbling to the tree. I moved closer to hear what he was saying, but couldn’t make out a single word.

Then there was a breeze and one of the lower branches of the tree touched his hands. He caught the branch, took a few steps and stopped. Then he leaned on the tree and I moved closer thinking that he was falling down. But he was still mumbling something. Then he put his arm around the tree and I knew that he was losing his balance.

But when I reached near him to catch him before he fell down, he was hugging the tree and kissing it with the zest and zeal of a Chipko andolan activist. Then he lost his balance and started to fall down. I, with much difficulty, managed to hold him and prevented him from kissing the ground too. I half carried and half dragged him to his room and deposited him on his bed. Within minutes he was sleeping peacefully like a baby.

The next day when I went to his room and asked whether he remembered anything about the previous night. But instead of answering my question, he asked me where I found him. When I told him the location, he look relieved and told me that he didn’t remember anything. But there was a twinkle in his eyes and a secret smile on his face, the reasons for which I am yet to find out.

— Epilogue —

While I was searching the web site for ideas to do the tag, I came across the following sites. There is a Web site where you can mark the location of your first kiss! Nowadays there is a Web site for every thing except for garbage disposal! In this site—Where I Had My First Kiss.Com— you can mark the location of your first kiss and share your fondest, or worst memories of your first kiss. Another site gives the first kiss tips.

Now I have to tag somebody. But I am not doing that. But I welcome anyone with real experience and sweet memories to take up the tag.


  1. Kusum Rohra said,

    June 27, 2007 at 12:30 pm

    Am I the first to comment!!!


    ROTFL he was hugging the tree and kissing it with the zest and zeal of a Chipko andolan activist.

    Atleast you did not fall of a chair and made a complete ass of yourself 😀

    I always wanted the man I was in love with to know the song “Into my arms” by Nick Cave and the Bad seeds. 🙂

  2. emmanuel said,

    June 27, 2007 at 1:00 pm

    Too good!!!!

    The conversation with your niece was so cute…..Kids are really smart these days………

    The account by Regi was top notch……

    I too had a hard time doing this tag…………but had a nice time writing it……….. 🙂

    Loved this post………. 🙂

  3. anju said,

    June 27, 2007 at 5:51 pm

    No alex, hold on to my hand, so that I can keep you from falling!!! ROFL!!!

    This was howlarious!!! Poor tree, it must have been kissed by so many CET’ians by now 😀

    But methinks you kissed Regi and he is not telling hahahaha

    p.s the ladies of Kochi can breathe easy now 😛

  4. Paresh said,

    June 27, 2007 at 8:01 pm


  5. chekku said,

    June 28, 2007 at 2:51 am

    As a mark of respect to this wonderful take on the tag..I request no one else to further entertain the idea of taking up this tag..

    God save the trees!!! ;-P

    too good Alexis…I can entirely picture this scenario…how manu lamposts…trees…doors…etc etc had the wonderful opportunity to enjoy the wild Sixela Noel moments!!

  6. bindu said,

    June 28, 2007 at 8:30 am

    “You have thorns under your nose and on your face. It is very irritating.”
    The very same words my hubby gets whenever he asks our son for a kiss. Kids are the same everywhere, I guess.

    But honestly I think you made up Part IV. Come on Alexis, come clean, how did Part III really end?

  7. Life Member, SUAES & SMEESV said,

    June 28, 2007 at 10:55 am

    I second Bindu.

    Anyways, it was a great post. 🙂

  8. venus said,

    June 29, 2007 at 12:47 am

    I’m laughing out loud sitting in my cube, and passerbys are wondering if I am still sane after tons work load of those vaationing!!
    kahani me twist, zabardast!
    only if regi would also have not remembered anything.. only if! 🙂

  9. Alexis Leon said,

    June 29, 2007 at 11:41 am

    Kusum: A special thank you for the first comment. Nice song you want…into my arms…but be careful not to trip again and fall into his arms 🙂

    Emmanuel: Thanks buddy. Your take on the tag was really good.

    anju: The tree must have been intoxicated by many an alcoholic kisses. But there is no change in the behavior of the girls and ladies 🙁

    Paresh: Nice to know that you liked it.

    chekku: We will start respecting it after you finish the tag. I am anxiously waiting to read it.

    bindu: ‘Ammachiyane Sathayam’ that is what happened!!!

    LM, SUAES & SMEESV: Thanks buddy..Life member…LOL

    Venus: Then it would have be a total disaster. I would have been the under a very wrong impression and would have tried to taken things to the new level–from friends to lovers–and it would have been catastrophic!!! It gives me creeps to think about it.

  10. poison said,

    June 29, 2007 at 1:20 pm

    hehehehe! o boy…. mh days 8->

  11. arun said,

    June 30, 2007 at 1:36 am

    Just reminded me of my college days as well…
    SUAES & SMEESV that was ultimate!!!! 🙂

  12. Suji said,

    June 30, 2007 at 5:10 pm

    Lol!!!! That was a really hilarious account of your first kiss. May be you can have a plaque put up on that tree to commemorate this momentous occasion…hehehe.

  13. Kamal said,

    July 2, 2007 at 10:09 am

    “Then, why you have a pack of 555 in your pocket. [My God, she had the eyes of an Owl…excellent night vision!!!]
    I quit; these are for the guests… [You’re a genius mate…]”

    “No alex, hold on to my hand, so that I can keep you from falling!!! [There goes the macho image :-(]”

    That was hilarious!

  14. neermathalam said,

    July 2, 2007 at 2:23 pm

    adya chumbhanam…oru a’mara’ chumbhanamanalloo chettayi…

    awesome……u should put a caution not to read during office hours…. :))…njan chirichu kallum mannum kuppichillum vare thinnu….

  15. Pradip Somasundaran said,

    July 3, 2007 at 2:24 pm

    Dear Alexis,
    Hope you are doing fine. Has been some months since I have been here. This first kiss is really something that we would remember for ever in our lives. Am very amused to read this post! Wonderful! Sometimes these sweet memories are the ones that give us some colour in the later part of our lives 🙂

  16. Kusum Rohra said,

    July 3, 2007 at 4:32 pm

    I think I am done with a lifetime of tripping.

    * Trips on the post button *

  17. Minu said,

    July 3, 2007 at 4:36 pm

    hahahahahaaaaa….hilarios post. i liked the nieces interrogation..she cn be a good lawyer

  18. Vijaya Pamidimukkala said,

    July 4, 2007 at 12:13 am

    Hahaha… ! Nice write up.
    Lot of beauty and mirth !

  19. Alexis Leon said,

    July 4, 2007 at 10:13 am

    poison: Hi buddy, how are you? Back to work?

    arun: Thanks buddy.

    Suji: That is a nice idea. Then most of the trees will have plaques 🙂

    Kamal: Thanks Kamal.

    neermathalam: ‘mara chumbhanam’!! that’s a nice one…

    Pradip: Hi Pradip. Long time no see…Busy? Thanks for the comments.

    Kusum: ROFL…

    Minu: Thanks Minu.. Yes, she is a very good lawyer now itself. I can imagine what will be my fate a few years from now.

    Vijaya Pamidimukkala: Thanks Vijata.

  20. Reji (yours truly) said,

    July 4, 2007 at 11:10 am

    Fine, so that’s the part you didn’t remember
    (or shall I say… remembered differently!).

    OK spin master (stories), you have dealt well with the prologue and the several parts upto the epilogue in your unique style typical of an original tale. But the small mind of mine is stuck at Part II and so the question still remains from this Agatha Christie mystery ….
    Who on earth was this “graceful and poised” damsel who managed
    to creep into your subcon mind?
    Yours pryingly
    Curious & live Cat

  21. Alexis Leon said,

    July 4, 2007 at 12:21 pm

    Reji: What a pleasant surprise. Friends, meet the hero of Part IV and my best friend Reji.

    Stuck at Part II. You know me…In my opinion there were quite a few damsels with grace and poise, but because of our ‘gentlemanly’ image they used to avoid us at all costs 🙂

    Welcome to my blog, buddy. It is indeed a pleasure to meet you in cyberspace.

  22. Amooma said,

    July 4, 2007 at 4:06 pm

    That was a really ROTFL post. Literally. Nearly fell out of my chair while reading part 1. Part 3 and 4, so which one’s true? Who was more drunk? Alex or Reji, that is the question. Wish the traffic police had been around to judge with their breath-taking contraption. We could have had a definite answer then. 😛

  23. Kusum Rohra said,

    July 4, 2007 at 5:15 pm

    And you have been tagged 😀

    Oh tag pe tag, waah tag 🙂

  24. Vijaya Pamidimukkala said,

    July 5, 2007 at 9:01 am

    Thanks Vijata ? Oh No! Queen Victoria .. old and Perishing . 🙂

  25. Alexis Leon said,

    July 5, 2007 at 9:54 am

    Amooma: Both of us were totally drunk. The police will not need a Breathalyzer to find that out. In fact, if they had tested us the unit would have exploded 🙂

    Kusum: Thanks for the award. But tag, will do after finishing the one from Herr Mathew.

    Vijaya: Oops typo. Sorry 🙂 But, Queen Victoria .. old and Perishing…that’s a nice one.

  26. Dhanya said,

    July 7, 2007 at 4:45 pm

    I had read this post before through Silverine’s tag and laughed like anything, but didn’t comment that time. Today when I came back (again through her post) I spent some more time. Only one line to say : You are just wonderful 🙂

  27. Dhanya said,

    July 8, 2007 at 10:07 am

    Another tag attack 🙂
    check for more information 😉

  28. Hima said,

    July 9, 2007 at 11:22 pm

    Loved it. Its hilarious.

  29. Minu said,

    July 10, 2007 at 12:05 pm

    ROTFL!!!!!…ur niece (and every other kid these days) is way too intelligent for their age!!!….

  30. Wanderlust said,

    July 12, 2007 at 5:57 pm

    Excellent post …Interesting throughout …I would completely disagree with your friends version of the story…Though not one myself…I know the pain of a Mechanical engineer …your version will not be questioned because of your discipline of engineering :-)…..

  31. Alexis Leon said,

    July 12, 2007 at 8:14 pm

    Dhanya: Thank you. I was tagged with the same tag by Mathew. Will do it soon.

    Hima: Thanks Hima and welcome…

    Minu: You are absolutely right 🙂

    Wanderlust: Thanks buddy… 😉

  32. Abhi said,

    July 18, 2007 at 10:59 pm

    Kai kodu alexis….
    this was so hilarious :))
    Especially Reji’s narration. You are becoming a comedy master!! Terrific!

  33. ottakolussu said,

    August 6, 2007 at 11:23 am

    Adi polli……the entire narration was so hillarious….de ponnu jhaan…..pidocho alliya….:-\

    Keep posting! Thanks for this really nice time I had reading it….