Reflections of a Survivior

Caution: Long Post

— Prologue —

I have been tagged with this very personal tag by Anjali. I have to describe my first kiss. Sounds very simple, isn’t it. It is not. She escaped by writing about a kiss she got from one Mr. Dog Jimmy Varghese, but has passed the tag to many others with sadistic glee. But Anju, be very careful, when I tag you, you will not be able to get off the hook so easily.

To make matters worse, she had warned all her friends and their friends in Cochin that I am desperately seeking for a person to kiss. So for the past few days, there has been a remarkable change in the attitude of women towards me. Earlier when I sat in the portico of my house in the morning, the younger girls going to school who used to greet me with a “Good morning uncle,” the slightly elderly girls going to college who used to smile and wave at me, and the young ladies going for work who used to smile at me have stopped all signs of friendship. Now they look the other way when they reach the gate of my house. If by accident, I am able to get someone’s attention, they will immediately start shaking their heads even before I can open my mouth to ask ‘Can I kiss you?” The grapevine is a very powerful and potent communication and disinformation tool.

— Part I —

After about a week of searching for a person to kiss without success, I thought of asking my four-year old niece. The conversation went like this:

Will you marry me?
Why you want to marry me?
I have told you many times not to answer a question with another question.
But it is the question of my life. [Gosh, these kids…]
Ooh… okay… I want to marry you because I want to kiss you…
Why do you want to kiss me? [Another question, but I let it pass…]
Because a chechi in Bangalore wants me to write about my first kiss.
But, you are not supposed to write about these things… [Woha!!! Wait till you start reading Mills & Boon books]
I won’t mention your name.
You have never kissed anyone in your life?
No [She gave me a look that said “What a loser!”]
Okay…But where you want to kiss me —on the mouth or on the cheeks? [Oh my God! Next she will be asking about the prenuptial agreement; life was a lot easier during my childhood!]
On the mouth; but if that is a problem, cheeks will do… [By that time I was so desperate that I was ready to settle for anything.]
But to kiss me on the cheeks, you don’t have to marry me… [Phew…Thank God for the small favors…]
Okay, come here so I can kiss you…
No…
Now what?
You have thorns under your nose and on your face. It is very irritating. [@#$%!^%#^@@^&@]

— Part II—

All the hopes of writing about that kiss vanished into thin air and I was back to square one. Now the only option I had was to go a few years back and write about an incident that I thought I would ever share with anyone. But desperate times call for desperate measures!!!

During my first year of Engineering, I had a crush. She was in the Electronics branch. We had a few common friends. So we used to be in the same company when our friends met, usually in the canteen or in the tea shop near the college. She had a very beautiful face, kind eyes, and long black hair. She was not the most beautiful girl in our batch. There were many other gorgeous, glamorous, and stunning beauties. But she had two things that none of them had—grace and poise.

In our group, we were the two people who spoke the least. Even after two years of regular meetings, we never managed beyond a “Hi,” “How are you?” or “How was the exam?” and so on. Whenever our paths crossed, I would give an ‘I love you’ smile and she would return a ‘Hi’ smile. This exchange of smiles constituted more than 90% of our conversations during the first two years. It was one of my best kept secrets—till today 🙁

— Part III —

It was the Men’s hostel day (MH day) celebration and I was in my fifth semester. Now, I have to provide a little background information. During those days branches like Mechanical and Industrial Engineering did not have any female students. All the beautiful girls joined branches like Electrical, Civil, Electronics, Computer Science, and so on. During the MH day, while our batch mates from other branches invited their classmates from the Lady’s hostel (LH), we had to content with the company of our day-scholar friends and friends from Medical College. So while our friends who have female guests acted decent never touching alcoholic beverages, we used to drown our sorrows in the spirits from the distilleries and breweries of Vijay Mallya and when funds were running low in ‘kallu’ and arrack from the Toddy shop at Arshummood.

Since drinking was prohibited on the hostel ground where the function was conducted, we used to have the bar in one of our rooms. So everybody, except a few selfless souls who managed the bar, will drink to their full and will go and attend the function. At regular intervals, we will return to the barroom for a refill, so that alcohol content in the blood never fell below the comfortable level. So during that MH day, by around 9.30PM, while I was coming back to the hostel ground after refueling, I saw her standing under the pine tree about a few meters away from the ground. I was surprised to see her there. So I walked up to her and said:

Hi
Hi alex…
Why are you standing here?
There everybody is smoking and it is giving me a headache. So I just came here to get some fresh air… What are you doing here?
The same reason—I came out to get some fresh air. There everybody is drinking and smoking and it is stuffed and I have a splitting headache [I never knew I could lie so smoothly…]
You don’t smoke?
Err… No.
Why?
It is bad for the health and I hate the smell… [Nice answer buddy…]
Then, why you have a pack of 555 in your pocket. [My God, she had the eyes of an Owl…excellent night vision!!!]
I quit; these are for the guests… [You’re a genius mate…]
When did you quit? [This is becoming more like a murder investigation…]
Just now!!!
Ooh…. [Change the subject, you stupid moron…]
Come, let’s go for a walk, it will clear your head…Noo, no… what I meant is that it will relieve the headache… [Better watch out mate, you are not thinking straight…]
Okay. She offered me her hand. [Wow… a good start, no a great start…]
Here, let me hold your hand, so that I can steady you if you feel dizzy! [Nice one buddy…]
No alex, hold on to my hand, so that I can keep you from falling!!! [There goes the macho image :-(]

Thus, we walked hand-in-hand under the moon and stars for another 40 meters. Finally we reached the auditorium cum basketball court and sat down on the steps. It was a nice place—quite and cool with a gentle breeze and not another soul around—ideal for a romantic evening. Lady luck was still with me.

So, how is your headache?
Better, and yours?
Completely gone…
Alex, I always liked you, but never got the courage to tell you… [Whooooha….finally we are getting somewhere]
Me too, but never got an opportunity to tell you… By the way, ‘You can call me Al’ [Even with all the alcohol in the blood, my brain was still functioning like a supercomputer!!]
Paul Simon, isn’t it?
Yep [She knows the singer, most probably she will know the lyrics too…things are getting better by the minute… “If you’ll be my bodyguard, I can be your long lost pal, I can call you Betty, And Betty when you call me, You can call me Al”]
Hi Al…
Yes darling…
Come, sit closer… [I was more than happy to obey]

I put my arms around her. There was no objection from her. She snuggled closer. The only problem was that all the alcohol that I had consumed was slowly but steadily taking control of my mind and body. I started swaying as the alcohol took control of my balancing mechanism. I cursed myself for drinking too much. After a few minutes, I had to lean on her to sit straight.

Are you okay?
I’m fine, just a slight dizziness…
Lie down and put your head on my lap… [Again I was more than happy to comply]

It was nice lying there looking up into her eyes. On an impulse, I gently pulled her head down and kissed her. She didn’t struggle, but kissed me back…

What a wonderful experience!!! I felt like a shockwave passing through my body. It was the last thing that I remember. The excitement of the kiss was too much for my already intoxicated body. I passed out.

When I woke up next morning, I was lying on my bed in my room. How I ended up there I had no idea. Then my friend Regi came to my room and asked me if I remember anything. No, I lied. I didn’t want to compromise my secret love affair.

— Part IV —

Then Reji told me his version of the story. I am reproducing it “as is”, but a word of caution—he too was equally drunk as I was, if not more, so everything will be exaggerated and blown totally out of proportion. Keep this in mind when you read the following account:

Alex and I went for a refill at around 9.00PM. We went to the bar at B-bottom and had a few pegs. Suddenly Alex got up, lit a cigarette told me that he was going back and went out of the room. That was not his typical behavior. He usually waited for me to finish the drinks and we used to go back together. I went to the door and looked for him in the corridor. He was walking very unsteadily—in fact he bouncing from one wall to the other and the momentum was carrying him forward. I quickly finished the drink and followed him.

By the time I had reached the end of the corridor, he was out of the hostel and was walking toward the hostel ground in the front, where the function was held. I hurried to catch up with him. There was a sharp turn on the road. Suddenly he stopped. He threw his cigarette away and adjusted his hair. He seemed to have gained more control of his body than before. I thought he must have seen some professors or the principal. Then I quickly rejected the thought. No self respecting hostel inmate would throw away a 555 just because he saw a professor and that too when he was totally drunk. So this must be something else. I thought I would wait a few paces behind to see what he was up to.

He walked to a pine tree (surprisingly all the wobbling and staggering had disappeared). First I thought that he was going to pay his contribution to the SUAES (Society for Uric Acid Enrichment of the Soil) or the SMEESV (Society of Mineral and Enzyme Enrichment of Soil by Vomiting).

But he went nearer to the tree and started talking. I couldn’t hear anything. First, I thought there was somebody behind the tree. I slowly walked closer. There was noone else. He was mumbling to the tree. I moved closer to hear what he was saying, but couldn’t make out a single word.

Then there was a breeze and one of the lower branches of the tree touched his hands. He caught the branch, took a few steps and stopped. Then he leaned on the tree and I moved closer thinking that he was falling down. But he was still mumbling something. Then he put his arm around the tree and I knew that he was losing his balance.

But when I reached near him to catch him before he fell down, he was hugging the tree and kissing it with the zest and zeal of a Chipko andolan activist. Then he lost his balance and started to fall down. I, with much difficulty, managed to hold him and prevented him from kissing the ground too. I half carried and half dragged him to his room and deposited him on his bed. Within minutes he was sleeping peacefully like a baby.

The next day when I went to his room and asked whether he remembered anything about the previous night. But instead of answering my question, he asked me where I found him. When I told him the location, he look relieved and told me that he didn’t remember anything. But there was a twinkle in his eyes and a secret smile on his face, the reasons for which I am yet to find out.

— Epilogue —

While I was searching the web site for ideas to do the tag, I came across the following sites. There is a Web site where you can mark the location of your first kiss! Nowadays there is a Web site for every thing except for garbage disposal! In this site—Where I Had My First Kiss.Com— you can mark the location of your first kiss and share your fondest, or worst memories of your first kiss. Another site gives the first kiss tips.

Now I have to tag somebody. But I am not doing that. But I welcome anyone with real experience and sweet memories to take up the tag.