Today is my 40th birthday. It is said that 40 years is the midpoint in one’s life. It is a milestone and the beginning of a new phase in life. But, somehow I don’t feel old. All of my classmates are married and well settled in different parts of the world. But I have lost contact with almost all of them.
I think the reason is that I don’t fit into their group or profile. I am still a bachelor, still think that I am 27 years old and talk about subjects that are no longer in their radar. I think at least half of my brain had gone into a time freeze and is still at 27 years. Even my younger brother acts and feels more matured than me. Having a family and kids has that effect on people. Me… I still think and act as if I am just out of college.
It has been 13 years since I met with my accident. And, quite eventful 13 years it had been. I saw all my dreams and aspirations getting washed away by a giant tidal wave. Like any normal person, I too had dreams about my life. I too had ambitions. I wanted to go abroad, work there, study there, and visit a lot of places. I wanted to have a family, and have kids. I wanted to be a good husband and a great father.
If fate had not intervened in 1993, in all probability I would have worked in US and Europe, took my PhD in software engineering from MIT or Carnegie Mellon University, got married and probably would have had kids. I am absolutely sure that I would have been a good employee, a brilliant student, a loving husband-friend to my wife and a caring father to my kids. But none of that happened. God had other plans.
Before my accident, I used to study hard and work hard. At the same time I used to have a lot of fun. I really enjoyed life during my college days and while working. There never was a dull moment in those days.
Spinal cord injury robbed me of all the comforts and conveniences that I took for granted for 27 years—the ability to stand, walk, climb stairs, drive, ride, swim, feel—the list is endless. I can’t go shopping, sightseeing or for a movie. I can’t attend the marriages, birthdays, anniversaries and other functions of my relatives and friends. I can’t get a job and I can’t do most of my favorite activities.
It is difficult to adjust, when all the things that one has taken for granted for 27 years are lost in the blink of an eye. It is a very depressing for a person who used to be physically very active and who was a fitness freak to just sit on a wheelchair, watching helplessly the muscles going soft and body weight going up. It is agonizing for a car and bike lover to sit inside the house looking at other people whizzing around in the latest model cars and bikes. It is unbearable for a person who enjoyed good food and drinks to become a teetotaler and be on diet indefinitely. It is tough for a person who smoked about 40 cigarettes and drank about 20 cups of coffee a day to completely stop the intake of nicotine and caffeine. It is completely demoralizing for a person who was fiercely independent to be dependent on others even to sit up in bed.
Out of the 13 years after my accident, I had a regular job for the first 2 years. Then I stayed at home, venturing out only to go to the hospital. In our country, where places are designed for able bodied people, there is not much point in going out as it is not at all enjoyable and the end result is days of body pain due to the ‘handling’ that one has to endure to reach those inaccessible places.
Being paralyzed from chest down in not the end of things, being confined to the wheelchair does not make one useless. Having no sensation has its advantages (like lack of pain, capability to undergo major surgeries without anesthesia, etc.). The restrictions on alcohol, coffee, cigarettes and food are good for health. Inability to go out can be considered a blessing as it gives you a lot of time to work, read, write and dream. The trick to survive is not to think about what you have lost and concentrate on what is left and how to make the best use of it.
This day, my 40th birthday, I thank my family, especially my brother, for the abundant support and love they have given me. I am also very grateful to my friends who have helped me, was with me and who are still helping and encouraging me.
I don’t harbor any ill will towards my friends who left me when I needed them most. They had their lives to live. I wish them all the best in their lives.
I would be lying, if I said I don’t have any malice towards those people, who have cheated me, used me, manipulated me, hurt me, and most importantly took advantage of my disability. I am no saint and I cannot forgive them or forget what they have done. I sincerely hope that one day they will get the taste of their own medicine. But their numbers are too few and the incidents are far in between to lose my faith in the underlying goodness of humanity.
When I had a chance, I lived my life to its fullest, enjoying every moment. Even when I am down, I try to give life my best shot.
For a person with spinal cord injury, every day is a struggle—struggle for survival. It is not easy to live when 80% of your body is not at your command. I think, I have survived so far, and survived with honor.
I borrow the words of Terry Waite to conclude this post—no regrets, no self-pity and no-over sentimentality.
Thank you friends…
Happy Birthday!! Haven’t read the post. Will comment on it if I’ve something worthwhile….. till then… Just a Salute to my Hero
Read it… As always Brilliant. I learn so much from you… you’ve influenced my life like a true Guru would… Thanks
Pick a star, any star
who needs candles when you have the sky
And make a birthday wish.
Wish for whatever you want,
Whatever your heart desires.
And know that whatever you wish for,
I wish the same for you
And wish for a way for it to come true.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALEX…….
My dear Alexis,
First of all, I am wishing you a happy birthday.
I am very happy to know that you are still feeling like a 27 year old ..! Keep that spirit inside you. That is very positive.
And when I read the rest of the things, I was really crying inside my mind. We may not get everything in life. If you ask anyone, they all may have something to worry about in their life.
But you are a great person and certainly you have achieved a lot in your life. I am sure, nobody can underestimate your achievements.
Please be aware that there are many people in this world who are loving you as a good friend and as an intellectual.
So, my friend, you have every reason to celebrate today..every reason to be happy about..!
Love
James.
A very Happy Birthday to you Alex.
I tend to not think of “what ifs” since we can only control the “future”.
So let not the “what ifs” bother you. God Bless.
Happy B’day.
Have a wonderful day, I’ll bake cake today.
Wish you a Happiest Birthday Alexis..!!
your age is what your mind feels, not your body 🙂
very good spirit.. keep it up!
Happy birthday Alexis.. wishing you the best of the best..
Happy Birthday Alexis
Kavitha
I understand ….
Happy birthday!!
A very Happy Birthday Alexis.
I hope and pray today that when I am your age, I will also be able to write a post like this and that I too can look back at my life and feel satisfied that I used whatever time and resources was given to me by God to make the best of my life.
Happy Birthday Alexis. Those final words are really touching.
Wishing you the very best to happen in life in the years ahead.
Paresh: Thank you Paresh for the wishes.
LALITHA: Nice poem. And thank you for your wishes.
James: Thank you for your wishes and kind words, dear friend.
Ullas: Thank you Ullas. Questions like ‘what ifs’ and ‘why me’ does not bother me any more.
thanu: Thank you Thanu. The cake sounds great.
venus: Thank you venus. Still very young at heart :-).
Kavitha: Thank you Kavitha.
Sarah: Thank you Sarah.
Geo: Thanks buddy.
silverine: Thank you very much. I am sure you will able to write a better post than this 🙂
Dhanush: Thank you Dhanush.
cheers alexis 🙂
wish you happiness on your birthday and all the days to come.
Santhosha Janmadinam Alexisinu!
Santhosha Janmadinam Alexisinu!
You will always be a light thats guiding a lot of us. You will always be a friend for all of us…And you are of the same age as most of us ;-). You are a real source of inspiration. Three Cheers to you, dear Alexis!
Today is also the birthday of a pretty friend’s friend also – so happy birthday, Alice & Alex!
We all make choices, Alex…having known first hand someone who went through a similar experience, I am so glad that you made the other choice – to take life as it comes and be happy!
There is this book by Viktor Frankl where he explains how, in the midst of the Holocaust, he thinks about the meaning of life…he finally concludes that there is no meaning by itself to life…it is us who give it meaning -“ask not the question about what the meaning of life is…for life is the question and you, you are the answer”…I am happy that you are able to give such a wonderful meaning to your life after all that you have been through.
Keep the faith, Alex – Invictus!
And have the happiest birthday in the world today!
PS: And the tag is now prose…do try now!
Happy birthday alex chetta!..
Just that a quote comes to my mind..
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away!!!
Hope you have such wonderful moments!!!!
I didn’t mean to freak u out … sorry 🙁
Alex,
Happy Birthday:-)
Whenever I think about you (and that is often, ever since I chanced upon your blogsite a couple of months back, and I keep rereading many of your blogs), I think to myself… “If I had 1/4 of the courage and determination he possesses and has showed, I would be a success in life.”
🙂
Happpy Birthday Alex!!
Knowing you through your blog as trully been an inspiration. Wishing you all the very best in future.. 🙂
Seems Thanu called up & freaked you…so I wont try that …
rocksea: Thanks Rocksea
Abhi: Thanks Abhi. Said,
Ganja Turtle: Thanks GT and my wishes to Alice. I have read Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for meaning. Very touching and very meaningful. Yes, Invictus—“I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul.” Thanks buddy.
You have changed the tag to prose! I have written the poem. Will post it tomorrow.
chekku: Thanks Mathew.
thanu: It was nice of you to call and wish me happy birthday. I got totally psyched. Hence the monosyllabic replies and abrupt end to the conversation. I didn’t even properly thank you for calling me and wishing me. My sincere apologies… Someday, we should do this properly 🙂
kajan: Thank you Kajan for your wishes.
Jagu: Thanks buddy. Yes, Thanu’s call was a total surprise :-).
*hugs*
you are simply superb my dear alexis.. im emailing this post to as many people as i can.. cos this post describes what u r.. il never be able to express the geatness in you …ur courage, sense of humor, compassion, broadmindedness,and positive regard to everything is spell binding..
salam sir..!!
and as i had said earlier you r the typical example of a person who follows terry waite’s words ..
*hugs*
A Happy Birthday to You..!!
:))
Wish u many many happy returns of the day.
I am the blessed….or else I would not have found you
I dont know why your words wet my eyes,it is not due
to pain,It is simply due to the bliss of watching a man I know
charging against all the possible odds pitted against him
with a brave heart and smiling face.Celebrate this day
chetta…celebrate it….You are living your life Kingsize..!!!
I never felt scarcity of words…your words touch me somewhere
deep..so deep…be like this forever….
You are the real Happy Light House of Cochin
I talked to u now….I cant believe it…
I was so overwhelmed to talk to u…
a mixed feeling of respect and love…
anu: Thank you for the wishes anu.
neermathalam: Thank you buddy. It was nice talking to you too.
happy birthday alexis..
about the post, i have total respect and admiration for your character! like you said no regrets, no self-pity and no-over sentimentality. delicate balance that.
Alexis, Life begins at 40!!.. Happy B’day!!
Such a great birthday post! You are a true fighter and I’ve never known any one with such courage yet in the circle of people I know.
Happy Birthday!!!
Happy b’day..I admire your courage to go on. Never knew ur backgroud. Have read some of your books
Dear Alexis
U r a real role model for people who have some kind of disabilities 🙂 … and am sure u r life will be an inspiration for lot of people, becasue even people who is not disabled cant think and write like u…..
Am sure u will start to write an autobiography later sometime….. u r reflections itself is a nice autobiography…..
Happy Birthday Alexis…. Many Many Returns of the Day 🙂
((( Hugs )))
Chackochan
Mind Curry: Thanks bro for the wishes.
Unni: Life begins at 40!!. That is a nice thought. Thanks for the wishes.
Jo: Thanks Jo. Hope the recording went well.
Ajith Thanks Ajith.
chacko: Thank you for your wishes chackocha.
Alexis, I am only 5 months away from the 40 mark and you reminded me well in time that I am still young! We grow old in body but if we are still young at heart we will never be old! You are an inspiration to everyone of us here. When the mind is calm and focussed we achieve the unattainable. We have overcome the most difficult phases of our lives more than once before. So whay can’t we do it ever and ever again? The very thoughts of our previous victories will give us the courage and strength to go further! We are here to share your happiness & sorrow in whatever way we can. Many Many Happy returns of the day! God be with you.
Hi Alexis,
Hello from a fellow Cochinite. It’s inspiring to read how you have overcome challenges, to be the person you are. I simply loved your posts on bikes, being a Bulleter myself. Got my first one in January 1988, which can’t be long after you got yours.
I recall seeing Muttuchira mentioned somewhere in your blog — I think I’ve seen the place during my many bike trips to MG University in the early 1990s. Roads were worse then, but the relative lack of traffic compensated for it.
Here’s to life beyond 40, man — keep the flag flying!
Though totally late in the day to wish u….wat the heck!!!
A Yappy Yappy Birthday Mate!!!!
Guess its ur 28th B’day celebration then…….dont grow up….i havent at 30 n guess will remain 18 till i die…..anyways grown ups are sooooooooooo boring….
As they say….in good ole smoker’s language….”Live life KINGSIZE mate” nothing brings a man down than his own spirits….so always keep them high!!!!
Cheers to U n to ME for finding this amazing blog !!! n a special thanx to Jagu!!!
Alexis,
Just now I opened my mail and found this wonderful post. My Angel friend Anu forwarded this to me. (Thank you, Angel… for introducing Alexis!)
no regrets,
no self-pity
and
no-over sentimentality…
Alexis, Happy Birthday!
PS: Sorry, I am one day late :)). I will go through your blog liesurely and write to you later.
Hi !
I am late. But Happy Birthday .
I have nothing to say , because you are someone who is much more mature and knowledgable . Except good wishes.
You still think and write . Thats something many people cant do. They simply cant. But you can. And you are doing it. You are doing what you can right now, and doin it well Thats what living to the fullest means.. Dont you think so ?
Someday when I am in your city , I would like to visit you . Is that possible ?
May you be 27 yrs forever
Even after I grow old to be 72..
Hi Alexis…arrived here via Jagu’s blog….What i like the most about what you have written is its honesty….Happy Birthday and ‘Go maire tú an céad! (which is Irish for may you live to be 100!’
Hi Alexis,
Belated b’day wishes…:)
Have a wonderful time ahead…N be the same wonderfully inspiring person you are (even though I know u only thru this blog)…
May age not dampen ur spirit…Cheers..!!!
Regards,
Reshmi
Sir
u have given a lot of hope and courage to people…. most people in ur shoes would have given in to life and just be wasted but u ahve shown how to fight against all odds and make the most of it…
u r an inspiration…
The trick to survive is not to think about what you have lost and concentrate on what is left and how to make the best use of it.
Many happy returns of the day
Cheers!!!
I read this post in the afternoon, and after that I have been reading various posts, but I got to commenting only now as i wanted to write it with lots of thought.
Firstly, wish a very happy birthday albeit belated wishes but straight from the heart.
Secondly long back in school I read the beautiful poem ‘If’ by Rudyard Kipling and it stayed with me forever. Everytime I read the lines:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run –
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And – which is more – you’ll be a Man my son!
I wondered if filling a minute with sixty seconds’ worth of distance was possible. Now I know it is possible.
Pradip: According to Unni, life begins at 40! So you have not even born yet 🙂 Thanks for the wishes and may God bless you too.
Hari: I bought my Bullet in 1987. You are right; you can see Muttuchira on your way to Kottaym. It is the next junction after Kaduthuruthy. And thank you for the wishes.
Archu: Thank you for the wishes. Yes, let us live the life King Size…
Anveshi: Thank you buddy.
Aashik: Thanks Aashik. I completely agree with you. You are always welcome to visit me. Just give me a call when you are in Cochin.
nina: Thanks Nina.
Neil: Thank you Neil. The only Irish word I know is Guinesses, which I picked from the Jack Higgins novels 🙂
Reshmi: Thanks Reshmi.
Lalit: Thank you Lalit.
Kusum: Thank you for your wishes. Nice poem. Very meaningful isn’t it.
Hi Alex,
I was blog hoping and came by your blog. Wish you a very very happy birthday!! Hope you have a wonderful day and an even better year ahead! 🙂
Belated happy birthday to u man. And hats of to u too. Ur life is a lesson to many…
Wishing you a very Happy Birthday Alexis! Sorry I am a little late in wishing you. A life without regrets is a life well lived. May God bless you.
Yeah, I generally don’t read too much poetry and this one I not only read, I read it when ever I feel I need to refresh my mind 🙂
p : Welcome and thank you for your wishes.
Jithu: Long time no see…Thanks buddy.
Suji: Thank you very much Suji.
Kusum: Whatever you have read must be good poetry. This one is an excellent example how so much can be conveyed in a few short lines. See my first poem for guideline on how not to write one 🙂
Alex,
A Very Happy Birthday to you. Just who you are has an impact on peoples lifes way more than you know, mostly people you have probably never met. Reading your well -articulated blog has been a source of absolute delight and your perspective on all the insanity (loosely referred to as life itself) has a touch of empathy that is rarely seen.
Your blog ( and by extension, you) are the best pick-me-up thats out there on the market ,Alex. I will personally vouch for that.
D: Thank you very much friend and welcom to my blog.
BELATED BIRTHDAY WISHES.
I ALWAYS READ YOUR BLOGS WHEN FEELING LONELY IT IS INSPIRATIONAL AND MOTIVATING.THEY WAY YOU TURNED BACK TO LIFE NOT MANY MIGHT HAVE DONE .