I met with an accident when I was 27.
It was spinal cord injury and the result
was paralysis from chest down.
I didn’t cry for the first ninety days,
nor did I wallow in self-pity.
I was not aware of the consequences.
I thought I would be back on my feet
after a few months in the hospital.
The doctors at the first hospital were also in the dark,
and they gave me false hope.
One month later I was shifted to a hospital
that specialized in SCI rehabilitation.
There they told me the maximum I could
expect was wheelchair independence.
I would have to depend on others to get up,
transfer from bed to wheelchair and back.
I have lost my bladder and bowel control and,
will need assistance in emptying them.
Slowly the gravity of my situation sank in.
I was devastated and one night my will broke,
and I wept for hours silently as I did not want
to wake up my mother who was staying in my room.
The next night also I wept—
silently without waking anyone else.
I was ashamed of others seeing me crying.
During the day, I put on a brave face,
and attended physiotherapy,
and occupational therapy with determination,
so that I could become as independent as possible.
But the nights were terrible as my
brave façade cracked and I wept for hours,
silently so as not to wake others.
Slowly the weeping became a relief, a good cry
would wash away the frustrations and shattered hopes.
It was purgation, catharsis, and ultimately therapeutic.
It was my defense mechanism against grief and helplessness.
During the initial months I cried almost every night.
As time went on the frequency of the crying reduced.
People say time is a healer, but it is not.
Time dulls the pain and prepares you to cope better.
It puts out the flames, but the embers remain forever.
For the last 32 years, I have been in a wheelchair,
and the embers still burn, searing my soul and mind.
But now I am used to the pain, and I know how to cope.
Even now, occasionally the dam of self-control bursts
and I weep, silently as usual.
A good cry can last me for a few months
and after that it is always possible to cry again.
A good cry washes away all mental pain,
the pent-up emotions and frustration.
and there is no cost for it—it’s nature’s gift.
It is a remedy that I suggest to all
who carry weight in their mind.
Have a good cry and you will feel better.
